The Fab Org is releasing Merch! We're finally selling out for the 16th time this year!
We’re going to do what any respectable esports organisation would, go through a third party drop shipping company and scalp our fanbase with over the top prices. It can be a tricky thing to exploit a young fanbase, so we helpfully drafted a nifty guide on 'how to steal your parent's credit card details'. Unfortunately, our legal team / court assigned carer has forbidden this, threatening to take away our cereal privileges.
It's taken some time to pull together due to slight personal cashflow setbacks due to nowhere currently taking FabCoin as currency and most manufacturers requiring ‘real cash’. Despite FabCoin’s meteoric rise in value, my wife refuses to buy anymore from me claiming my obsession is straining our relationship. I understand as success can be very stressful and, given the last price she purchased Fabcoin from me, our net worth is larger than the GDP of Tajikistan. Whilst we’re ‘cash poor’ we’re FabCoin rich but my creditors refuse this as payment which frankly is their loss.
Just Dodge Shorts
While more clothes are on the way, we’re introducing our first new addition to the fab org merch store; our ‘just dodge’ shorts.
Now, because I view the Fab Org as the premiere esports organisation, it’s only fitting that we price ourselves as such. We’re still working out all the details, but to cover outstanding personal debts owed, the starting price for the shorts will be a competitively priced €10,000 per item. Fabulous Org Blaston Tournament 2 Electric Boogaloo
To give back to the community we’re currently organising an event where Blaston players will have the opportunity to be endlessly pitched on the benefits of FabCoin and Fab Org merch and we'll also include a Blaston tournament to fill empty time. The Tournament will be a round 1 group stage into a top 8 double elimination finals. We’ll be using seeding methods recently pioneered by the cyber cup to determine group stages as seen below.
(draft group stages, please note that these may change if we can find a way to make it easier for Captain Fabulous)
We’ll be updating the prize pool as we get closer to the event but for now we can announce that each of the top 4 players will receive a pair of fab org ‘just dodge’ shorts. (I've never tried shipping to the US so whichever US players named jjjosie19 and 24 end up finishing top 4 may have to receive a slightly different pair of shorts.)
We’re also pleased to announce every entrant will receive 1 Fabcoin under the condition they promise that they won’t ever sell; we’re all millionaires so long as no one takes any money out. But seriously please don’t sell, my marriage depends on this FabCoin thing working. As they say in crypto circles "To the moon" or "Elon has ruined my life".
Most fabulous viper shot prize
As a special reward for the player who pulls off the best viper e shot of the tournament, we have an exclusive double viper vest. There will only be two of these vests in existence due to our owner's personal ego requiring himself to own one. Due to this current and possibly very temporary reduced supply, the vest is forever priceless. Due to our humble nature and need to inflate our prize pool, we’ll price it at a mere €60,000. The best shot will be picked from the streamed top 8 finals and then will be picked by the community in a post-event poll. The current Fab Org Prize pool is $300 in cash + €100,000 in Fab org merchandise (4 shorts and a vest) + FabCoin (infinite potential value).
What can I do if I can't afford Fab Org Merch and I'm not called Jjjosie19, Tesseract, 24, or Montybann?
First off, no one really needs two kidneys, if anything you're being greedy. Secondly, you're going to have to do something to get that money because the Fab Org Merch is both unmissable and unreplicable. We have a top-secret creation process we will never share listed below.
Step One
We use websites like https://create.vista.com/home/ to create starter designs in the form of transparent downloadable pngs. Our pink colour is colour code ‘EC407A’ or 236, 64,122. The Fab Org font is Museo Moderno. All the logos created so far are below.
Step Two
Use drop shipping websites like www.contrado.co.uk or www.printful.com and upload these designs to ready-made clothes. You can use other services you find online as well but personally these were the easiest for me. I've also heard a blaston community member 8s maybe able to help for US based players.
Step Three
Once you receive the clothes it's time to price them. Roll however many dice you feel is fair and multiply the result by 10,000 to find the retail price. Now it's time to start selling them to impressionable fans.
In theory, our fans would be able to make these clothes themselves and get better prices by creating their own Fab Org Merch which arguably would be more customisable for them and could include their names etc. It could be a fun community based experience where we share pictures of our creations.
However, that will never happen because they won’t have the designs linked below, nor will they know our colour codes or fonts. They won’t know that www.Contrado.co.uk and www.printful.com do single orders and give discounts if they make it themselves and our fans don't know we don't understand copyright and, for undisclosed reasons, are barred from filing any more lawsuits.
Even if our fans did the 30 seconds of googling required to figure all this out, they’d feel so guilty from stealing IP from us they’d have no choice but to donate to our upcoming tournament prize pool at https://matcherino.com/t/fabcup2.
I'm so glad the LinkedIn button is there so I can share this with my network
Hey babe, your obsessions are drowning our relationships. CALL ME NOW!